Stop Scurvy - Adopt-a-Pirate

With the money received by the purchase of just one t-shirt, Stop Scurvy can provide an entire pirate family with a month's supply of Vitamin C (this includes a pirate, wench and six illegitimate kids). Or, we could provide three pirates with medicine for venereal diseases. You can specify your preference with your
purchase.

Stop Scurvy has also created an Adopt-a-Pirate program. With a small donation of only $75 a month, you can provide an underprivileged pirate with complete health coverage. Below are some pirates looking for a sponsor:

Name: Roger the Urine-Smelling
Birthdate: 05/14/68
Birth Country: U. S.
Favorite band/musician: Jimmy Buffet
Favorite activity: Definitely not taking baths
More about Roger: Roger became a pirate when his father lost him on a bet with Captain William Blackrock at a cock fight. Going from the comforts of a trailer park to the challenges of pirate life made Roger a little, well crazy -- even by pirate standards. He only speaks to parrots, and frequently laments the cancelling of the Tony Danza show. A sponsorship would provide Roger with a psychiatrist and some Depends.

Name: Jimmy the Lazy-eyed
Birthdate: 03/24/62
Birth Country: Canada
Favorite band/musician: Grateful Dead
Favorite activity: Miniature Golf Caddy
More about Jimmy: Jimmy works on a ship called the Chotchkie, where each soldier is required to wear at least 12 pieces of "flair," but if you wear less than 17, you'll be thrown overboard to be slowly devoured by piranhas after the entire crew tap dances on your crotch. And because half the crew are former members of Riverdance, most beg for the piranhas.

Name: Shawn the Unusually-Well-Dressed
Birthdate: 03/24/76
Birth Country: Britain
Favorite band/musician: Tied between Cher and Streisand
Favorite activity: Watching musicals
More about Shawn: Shawn is head stylist on a ship called the Fruit Basket. The Fruit Basket attacks and robs ships, then redecorates the ships and gives all the crew members makeovers. Unlike other pirate ships, the punishment for mutiny is not death, it's shopping at Ross for a year. Most pirates commit suicide within the first week.